Almost Empty Nest?

It has been many years since we’ve posted on this blog (so long that I haven't been able to figure out how to log back in as an editor so Dana has offered to post for me).  It was a treasure to visit it again and recall the memories it cataloged!  When they are old enough to talk back, borrow the car, and tell you how to operate the IT equipment in your house, it is easy to forget that our children were once clinging to us 24/7. 

We didn’t keep this blog updated like we had planned, but then many things we had planned didn’t quite turn out the way we envisioned!   We were even lucky enough to add additional parental support and mentors in Felix’s stepparents, Rob (Renae’s husband) and Kendra (Dana’s wife).    I’m hopeful that Felix felt the love and support of many caring adults over the years, including his two big sisters, many aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

Cedar River Montessori School was a great place to offer stability until Felix was in 7^th grade and the transition to middle school could have been as tragic as most of us remember middle school being, except that he quickly made a solid group of great friends (they are all still actively involved in each other’s lives today).  The family of one set of friends made all the difference and I’ll forever be grateful to them for providing a safe, supportive, caring hangout.  When the pandemic hit it was hard on everyone, but my kiddo enjoyed the reduced socialization and I feared he might never come out of his room again!  Luckily, this family friend started up the garage band or D&D sessions.

Another consistent contribution over the years has been School of Rock in West Seattle.  Felix has been playing guitar with them almost every week for 11 years!  Although he quickly decided he wasn’t a fan of performing on stage, which is a big part of their curriculum, they continued lessons that advanced his skill and challenged him. 

Felix has so many interests and although he might seem shy at first, just get him started on a STEM topic or politics, and he’ll talk your ear off!  Before the pandemic, he was so fascinated with viruses, prions, and germs that the school librarian said, “this kid is either going to cure cancer or create germ warfare, time will tell”! I trust whatever contribution he brings to society; it will be a positive one as he’s smarter than I’ll ever be and more emotionally intelligent and capable than most adults I know. 

Felix is not a fan of portraits and at least 5 years ago asked me to stop taking or sharing any photos.  I respect that boundary and ask that you do the same.  Make a memory in your mind and hold onto that image rather than sharing it on social media.

Felix is off to my alma mater, Western Washington University in Bellingham next year.  It will be weird to be an empty nester after 28 years of raising kids, but he promises he’ll keep in touch. I am proud of Felix and look forward to whatever path he follows in life.  If you’ve read this far, you are part of our ever-growing framily circle, friends and family who have contributed to Felix’s life directly or indirectly over the years and we sincerely thank you for everything.  It takes a village and I’m glad you are in it! 

Love, 

Renae

Felix Fund

Many people have asked how to support Felix in his next adventure and while we prepare for his move to Bellingham in September to start Freshman year at Western Washington University, the best support might be hitting the easy button and send funds directly to Felix's Venmo account at https://account.venmo.com/u/Felix-Howard-3 If you want to send gifts of other sorts, our addresses are below.

Renae Howard & Rob Jones - 4706 S Thistle St, Seattle, WA 98118 

Dana & Kendra Howard - 3831 33rd Ave SW, Seattle, WA 98126

 

Dad's Handing Off...

 

At long last, and for the last time, I am back to update the blog Renae and I started of Felix just over eighteen years ago.

Felix is set to graduate with honors from West Seattle High School and begin his collegiate studies in Bellingham, WA at Western Washington University. He plans to pursue engineering though what specifically, he has not decided. He has expressed interest in nuclear, mechanical, and most recently computer engineering. It will be interesting to come back here in ten years, as he is establishing himself, and reflect on what was going to be.

Even at his young age, Felix is one of the most considerate, critical thinkers I’ve known. I can’t recall an instance in my adult life where a teenager has caused me to reevaluate and change the way I think about something. He has developed this pure gift for reason that I’ve always admired.

Personally, and probably obviously, I’m both excited and sad at this time. It strikes me that in a few months he will be living elsewhere; I will see him only in visits. Of course, this was always the way it was going to be; this kid who has always awed me with his cleverness will become the person his decisions make him. I think his future will be very bright, but it is all his now.

And to you, Felix, some future day I suspect you will come across this. I hope I’ve been able to convey how proud I am of you and how dearly I love you.

- Dana

Growing Up Too Fast

I've become aware of dramatic changes in Felix. Over one weekend there was a marked difference as several milestones were met. One was the removal of his training wheels (see Dana's post). Another was this subtle difference in the selection of a book at the library. Prior, all the books were suggested by one of us or similar to something he already read. This time, as Dana tells it, he pulled a book off the shelf, read it to himself and decided to bring it home! The third and most painful moment for me, was during a game of Uno. For most of Felix's 6 years I have enjoyed a special status. It isn't that he was a Momma's Boy or anything, he just adored me, as I do him. However, during this particular game it became apparent that everything had changed. Repeatedly hit with draw twos and fours, skips and such, I began to notice a trend. Felix wouldn't play a bad card against his dad so I was taking the full brunt of his hand. Dad is cool. Dad drums, dad wrestles, dad excels at legos and has that deep voice that commands respect. Mom can be climbed on, clinged to, and played like a fool with a tilt of the head or a slight whimper to elicit sympathy. The shift in status was temporary but I am keenly aware that my days are numbered. There is not an infinite amount of snuggles left. Some day, way too soon for me, he will not want me to hug him in public, he won't share wishes and secrets with me, he will grow up. Way too fast. - Renae

Felix Learns to Ride a Bike

Felix and I had some time so we decided to take a bike ride up to the local park. The park's basketball court offers a wide smooth surface that Felix enjoys riding on. While he's cruising around he's attempting to balance his bike so that the training wheels on either side don't touch the ground. After about twenty minutes or so Felix says to me, "Dad, I want to go home."
"You want to go now?" I confirm.
"Yeah, I want you to take the training wheels off. I want to try riding without them"
"Alright" I say "Let's go"
"Yeah, and if I don't like it we can just put them back on" Felix says, matter-of-factly.
We get home and remove the training wheels. I hold Felix up as he learns to push off with one foot while pressing the pedal with the other foot. When he begins his ride, I'm running right behind with my hands hovering over his shoulders. After a few rides I begin to give him more space. Very soon he has it and he wants to try turns. I move the car from the driveway and grab the camera. Above is his first ride with a turn.

T-Ball

Our friend Kelly signed up her son, Charlie, for T-Ball and asked if Felix would like to join his team.  Knowing the answer, Renae and I didn't ask Felix and signed him up without his consent.  When we did eventually tell him, he sulked and moped around a bit.  We told him the name of his team would be the ultra-cool "TimberRattlers".  Not even that cheered him up (and it could have been worse, one of the teams was named 'Hooks' and had a picture of a fishhook with menacing eyes and a sinister smile on their shirts.  I'm not making that up).
Eventually came the day for the TimberRattlers' first practice- Felix wanted no part of it.  While the rest of the team participated, he stood next to Renae and me, telling us he just wanted to watch.  Not even his best friend, Charlie, could get him to join.  About halfway through the practice the coaches were having the boys pair up and throw a ball back forth to each other.  I took this opportunity to throw a ball away from him and ask him to retrieve it- we were still away from the rest of the team.  Felix got and threw it back, and then I lobbed him another ball which he returned.  Even before then, we could tell that Felix wanted to join the team, as they appeared to be having a lot of fun, but was too shy.  Eventually, I angled us around to where Felix and I were playing catch in line with the rest of the team.  Soon after, one of the coaches called the team to huddle up, I started to walk that way and then stepped back once Felix reached the huddle.  When he first noticed I wasn't there he leaned out of the huddle towards Renae and me, but then turned back to the huddle.  After that he had a great time.  Our friend Kelly had mentioned that if Renae wasn't there, Felix would have jumped right in.  Felix has always been a little shy and will often take a few moments of observation before participating, but I have found that if Renae is present, Felix is much more apprehensive about participating, and I don't know why.  He does love his momma, maybe he can't bear to leave her.
The subsequent practices went great, and he especially liked the games.  I've not played t-ball so I was surprised that they didn't keep score.  Also, an inning is one time through each team's lineup and all but the last batter advance one base at a time.  The last batter gets a "home run" and clears the bases.  That's all fine, I just didn't know that's how it would be.  I wonder if that is typical of t-ball.  While in the field, the players would stand next to one of about twelve flat cones scattered about the field.  This was to help them locate a position.  They were also supposed to stay near their cone unless the ball was hit near them.  Many of the kids ignored this rule, though Felix took it to heart and would not move from his cone for anything.
I got use of an IPod and would have had this great little clip of Felix hitting and running to first.  My lack of familiarity with the device foiled my efforts so I will try to explain- just know that I will not be able to convey the cuteness of the moment:  Felix is up to bat and I am kneeling along the first base line IPod at the ready.  The picture above is indicative of my position.  Felix smacks the ball out to the outfield and is hustling down to first.  Felix is all smiles as he passes me and then turns around, running backward to first, looks at me, waves, and says "I love you, dad", then turns forward again to first.  BAAAHHHHH!  I thought I had it recorded.  It turns out I was recording when he came up to bat and then stopped recording during his at bat.  It was a great moment regardless.

Cancun

Felix's Spring break was spent in the warm clime of Cancun, Mexico.  And for a Washington State native, Felix handled the weather very well.  Though, I suppose, the proximity of the beach and the pool didn't hurt.  We were joined by grandma Peggie and the Hoovers.
Our first full day we took a long van ride out to one of the world's wonders: Chichen Itza.  I suppose this was one time where the heat got to Felix, though no more than anyone else.  Around the Temple of Kukulkan (pictured), the observatory, and the ball court there was no shade.  Particularly fascinating to Felix was the serpent heads at the foot of the temple and the story of serpents snaking down the staircase, an illusion created during the equinox. 
The following day we spent familiarizing ourselves with the resort.  The pool and the beach held particular interest.  On the other hand he didn't care much for the food options; his diet for the week consisted mostly of hot dogs.  But it's vacation, right?
On Monday we took a trip to Xplor, an adventure park about an hour drive away.  Much of the park attractions were inside caves, I suppose that is why we had to were helmets the entire time.  Some of the activities Felix was too young for, such as the zip-lining, but those he could do he really enjoyed.  One such activity was a "river" swim where we donned life vests and swam through a cave.  Felix was very proud of himself for making the entire swim.
Tuesday was grandma's last day as she had to return to work.  We said our good byes and the rest of the time is a blur, kind of.  I don't remember the order in which we did certain things so I will just say that I suppose the order doesn't really matter.

Down at the beach Felix discovered the joy of body surfing.  At least he attempted to, so good for him.  For quite a while, he and I were having a great time together playing in the waves.  He was learning to time his jumps over the waves, to look for swells to float over, and to turn his back when the oncoming wave broke. Eventually the wind picked up and the waves got too rough for him.  Just behind the water line along the shore was a two foot drop that Felix accidentally found.  I was standing near him when he stepped off the sand bar trying to make it back to the beach.  The last words I heard before he went under were "Daddy help".  Of course I got to him a half second later and no physical harm was done, but his plea really hit me viscerally.   I held him close as I carried him to our towels.
He was wary of the sea for a few days after that, electing to do most of his water activities in the pool.  He found a shallow area in the pool near the swim up bar where he practiced swimming. He became determined to swim on his own after watching a boy about his age that was very adept at swimming.
Another activity that Tru took a fancy to was painting ceramic figurines.  On certain days at the resort a man with scores of various ceramics would set up a little table with paints and you could paint your chosen figurine however you wanted.  The man would then "Mexicanify" it; meaning he would add details that gave it an indigenous look, and then cover it in some kind of protective shellac.  It really made a difference in the overall appearance.  In all, Felix painted three: a rabbit, a dolphin, and an iguana. 
One of the highlights of our trip was a visit to Croco-Cun, a crocodile zoo.  One of the first things we got to do there was hold three foot crocodiles.  For whatever reason, Felix was apprehensive.  He did touch them, however, while Renae held them.  Later on we got to hold snakes.  I think Felix was more comfortable by this time and relished the chance to drape a snake over his neck. 
Okay, this is going to be third time I've written the following because of a forced computer restart, and a cut and paste error.  It really is frustrating and saps my enthusiasm.  Sorry, the following won't have as much heart as it could have.  In all honesty, you are being cheated.
Croco-Cun operates more like a reserve (I'm not sure if that is the right word) than a zoo.  You can not wander the park by yourself; you must be accompanied by a guide.  Which, it turns out, was really great.  Our guide was very knowledgeable and explained in detail the animals we came across.  Croco-Cun has free-roaming spider monkeys.  One by the name of Panchita took a fancy to me.  After following us around from the trees, she swooped down and sat upon my shoulders.  Felix was very amused.  After a few minutes our guide tried to get her off but she was determined to stay; she slapped at his hands when he approached.  Eventually he was able to apprehend her.  He flung Panchita into the trees, which she deftly negotiated and attempted to make her way back to us.  Our guides shooing seemed to discourage her from leaping down upon us again... for a moment.  I now know how prey feels.  As we walked, we could hear, but not see, her stealthily following us hidden in the foliage of the trees.  We would hear a little bit of rustling and then anxiously look around trying to locate her.  This went on for about fifteen minutes.  Eventually she found her chance and pounced down upon me and was again on my shoulders.  I thought it was pretty cool, Felix was buckling over in laughter.  The guide made some attempts to get her down without being too aggressive, but because I didn't seem to mind, he let her be for a little while.  It was interesting, though, to watch her.  She almost seemed like a defiant child; she would go limp (other than gripping my neck), slap at the guides hands, and cry out.  It was all very funny.
One of our last days, Felix, Renae, and I crossed the street to the Lagoon where we did a little kayaking.  The wind was strong that day so we stayed close to the shore.  In light of her self described canoeing fiasco, Renae did really well in a kayak.  I was impressed.
Okay, I know there is probably some very important things I've forgotten, perhaps Renae will remember more and add to this post.  Who knows?  We can't know the future.

Legos and Star Wars and Lego Star Wars

Okay, so maybe not Christmas or Thanksgiving.  Perhaps not even his birthday.  This next post is about Star Wars, of which Felix has become a fan. 
Before that, I suppose I should mention our Tru turning six a few weeks ago, so yes, his birthday.  Felix's passion is Legos, thus he had a Lego themed birthday party.  Renae, a true Master of Ceremonies, had come up with the idea of little Lego sets as party favors.  At a point during the party, all the kids got to put together their sets.  We're a little embarrassed because Renae had intended to request "no gifts" on the invitations, but forgot.  Also, she invited a lot of people thinking, as was the case the year prior, only half would attend.  It turned out that nearly everyone attended, including siblings in some cases.  Felix received so many Lego sets, it took him weeks to get to them all.  That's why we're embarrassed. 

Okay, on to Star Wars.  The Pacific Science Center, a favorite haunt of ours, hosted a very inclusive Star Wars exhibit.  Felix has really developed an affection for Star Wars, much of that cultivated through playing Lego Star Wars (video game) along with the movies.  So to see these vehicles, droids, and characters that he has come to know so well, he thought was pretty cool.  Here you see Felix unfazed by the Sith Lord, Darth Vader.  That guy was a real jerk. 
Anyway, for Felix, Legos and Star Wars had a reciprocating relationship; each adding to the allure of the other.  After playing Lego Star Wars he became more interested in Star Wars Lego sets.  After collecting several Star Wars Lego sets, he became more interested in the stories behind them, which led to wanting to build more characters and scenes.  For items he couldn't get, such as the droid, Droideka, he was able to build it from pieces he already had by studying the example in the Lego Star Wars video game.

Personally, I'm very happy that these are his interests.  I never had Legos growing up and they are just cool.  Felix and I will generally spend time most nights building objects we think up from his expanding stash of Legos.  Also, prior to Felix, I didn't really follow Star Wars and didn't understand much of it.  As a matter of fact, I don't think you can from just a casual viewing of the movies.  So together, Felix and I have helped each other learn more about this interesting saga.

In Stitches

 

I can't believe I haven't posted about this yet, this happened back on September 30, 2010.  Felix's first stitches!  Our good friend Kelly was watching Felix and had taken him and her two kids, Charlie and Clara, to our neighborhood park while waiting for Renae to get home.  As Felix explained it to me, he climbing the underside of a set of rounded bars.  He had his feet on a lower bar, his body leaning back at about a 45 degree angle, with his hands on and head just above a higher bar.  At some point he lost his grip and banged his chin on the upper bar.  As Kelly told me, Felix was fairly calm when walked over to tell her he had bumped his chin.  While she was examining him, he noticed the blood and Kelly noticed a sizable gash in his chin.  Upon sight of the blood, Felix began to cry.  Kelly was unable to get a hold of Renae so called me at work.  While rushing back home, I got a call from Renae (who had since picked up Felix) and told me to meet her at urgent care.  

I beat them there and began filling out the paper work.  It is really sobering to see your kid hurt, when they arrived at urgent care Renae and I switched off holding our dear boy.  He seemed pretty lethargic by then; he had since stopped crying and was just lying sleepily in our arms.  Eventually we got called in and the nurse took Felix's vitals and did a cursory exam.  Soon after that, a Physician's Assistant came in to inspect.  Felix has this way about him that I am very endeared to; initially he comes across as shy; and he is shy, but when he gets to discussing something with someone, he is very articulate and chatty, which is how he was when he was going to answer, instead of Renae or me, the PA's question of how it happened.  The PA then described to Felix what going to happen: a shot of anesthetic followed by stitches.  

Felix winced with the shot, but held it together.  Once Felix was numb (and we knew this because the PA poked at Felix's chin and asked if he could feel it, Felix responded, "Feel what?"), a sterile drape was placed over his face that left only his chin exposed.  I thought that might freak him out a bit, but he understood and it didn't faze him at all.  I held his hand while the PA put in three stitches.  

The picture above- Renae had the presence of mind to capture just before the bandage was applied.  As we went to leave, Felix's energy seemed to have returned.  I think he was pleased with how he handled the whole ordeal.  Something like this is a milestone in most people's lives, and I too was pleased with how he handled this milestone.  

Coincidentally, Grandma Peggie happened to be walking her dog past the urgent care as we were leaving.  She got to see Felix fresh out of surgery. 

On a side note, I intend to backdate at least one or two posts- Thanksgiving and Christmas probably, so look for those as they will appear before this one.